Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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