I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
