she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
