Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
