Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
