I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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