maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
