worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
