Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
