so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
