You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
