I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
