My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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