To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
