theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The adults are the big ones right?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
