Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
