Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
