new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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