you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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