Ambien. No doubt about it.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
