Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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