She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Your tits are I can't wait for
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I want her autograph on my taint
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
