we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
