I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
