Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
