Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
