I CAN MOONWALK!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
