the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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