I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
