Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
