It's Friday. Sex?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
