why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
