i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
