You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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