Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
