between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
