there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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