I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
