I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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