Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
