She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
