I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It's Friday. Sex?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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