I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
