Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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