my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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