I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
