No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
