Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
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We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
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