What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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