I heard we made out
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
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he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
What a dumb baby whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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