I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
