just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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