I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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