Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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