Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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