wanna go halves on a baby?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
