I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
