Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
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Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
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I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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