Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize