i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
