every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
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How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
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Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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