JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
