i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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