Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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