$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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