SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
