Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
