You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
