i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Randomize
