found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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