this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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