Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I have aggressive nipples.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
