I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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