D3 body, D1 cock
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
