I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just high enough for therapy.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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