how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
