I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
