I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
