how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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