DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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