I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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