i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
