my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
