i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
