I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
