Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
