but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
