you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just had sex bonerless
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
