I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
