Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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