half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize