Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i will never coherently bang her
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
